The First 2 Weeks of Being 50
The word that kept showing up in those first two weeks - and I mean kept showing up, like it was following me around - was gentle.
I'd been keeping morning pages, which if you haven't tried them, are exactly what they sound like: you wake up in the morning and you write. You don't curate, you just dump whatever's in your head onto the page and then close the journal and go live your life. I found the perfect journal for it - it’s a small, soft cover book with a single bird on the front with the words “Daily Chirps” written in gold text. Nothing that makes you feel like your thoughts have to be worthy of the container.
And one morning, right there in my own handwriting: one word more than any other keeps coming back up for me. Gentle.Not hustle. Not reinvention. Not "this is my year." Gentle.
I Don’t Like Roses
Then, I bought roses on Sunday.
Pink ones with pink Snapdragons. Thirty-six dollars worth, if anyone is keeping score, and apparently someone is, because Jay has not stopped bringing it up for two days now.
“I remember when you told me,” he keeps saying, “that of all the flowers I could ever buy you, I should never buy you roses.”
Why You’re Always Tired
Shortly after the “toilet tab”, that same morning, I went downstairs and the dishwasher was still full (but hadn't been run), and the mugs from last night were still on the table. “ I need to run the dishwasher before work.” I told myself. PING! Tab #2 open.
Later, that afternoon with my head in the washer, I remembered and called out: “Honey, have you made your doctor's appointment yet?” The answer back? “Not yet, I forgot.”
I’ve reminded him three times. This is a tab I was hoping I could close today - Now it’s slid to the front of the line.
If you're reading this nodding and saying ‘Girl, me too” I don't have to tell you what this is. You already know. You've probably been doing it for years.
Getting Clearer with Age
We’re taught to be careful, to weigh our options, to not make impulsive choices. And while thoughtfulness has its place, I’ve realized that sometimes the endless search for certainty is just fear in disguise.
Because here’s the truth:
There is no perfect career move, only the next right step.
There is no perfect relationship decision, only the choice that aligns with who you are today.
There is no perfect way to navigate life’s transitions, only the willingness to trust that you’ll figure things out as you go.